Moving in with a partner can be incredibly exciting. When you love someone so much that you’re not worried about getting sick of them, and you’re happy to spend every single day with them, getting a place together is the next logical step.
But embracing uncharted territory, such as moving in together, tends to invite new conflicts into the picture as well. Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on Reddit, detailing the difficulties one woman has had since she and her boyfriend decided it was time to take the next step in their relationship.
This woman and her boyfriend decided that it’s time for them to move in together
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
But they quickly realized that they weren’t on the same page about where exactly they should be living
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
Most couples in the United States move in together within 2 years of dating
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
How do you know when it’s time to take your relationship to the next level and start sharing a living space? Perhaps it gets frustrating when you find yourself forgetting which apartment you left your favorite pair of pants at, or you realize that you’re starting to buy two of everything while constantly jumping between two residences. This step comes at a different point for each couple, but according to a study from Stanford University, 70% of American couples move in with one another within 2 years of dating.
Some decide to start splitting rent even earlier though, as a quarter of American couples move in together after only 4 months, and 50% decide to start sharing a place after one year. On the other hand, however, some couples decide to take it slow, as 10% still haven’t moved in with one another after 4 years of dating.
“There is no one-size-fits-all timeline,” Neha Prabhu, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in premarital counseling, told Mind Body Green. “If you’re thinking about moving in together, don’t just let it happen—be intentional. I’d encourage people to first consider why they want to move in together and how it would benefit their specific relationship.”
It’s important to ensure that you’re on the same page as your partner before taking that leap
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Making sure that you’re both ready before taking the leap to move in with your partner is key. Your relationship may seem perfectly stable beforehand, but suddenly conflicts might crop up about which couch to buy, how to organize the shelves and how long dishes are allowed to sit in the sink without being washed.
According to Mind Body Green, it’s too soon to move in together if you’re feeling pressured to do so, you’re only doing it for financial or practical reasons, you’re doing it to “save” a relationship, you and your partner are unable to resolve conflicts, you don’t trust one another, or there’s no plan to start thinking about your future as a couple.
On the other hand, you might know that it is time to start sharing a space with your partner when you’re on the same wavelength, PsychCentral says. If you’re used to being around each other, you’ve discussed your financial situations, you have a plan for how to divide up chores, you’ve agreed on boundaries for your shared home, you can be yourself around one another, and you feel excited about taking this big step, it might be time.
While finances shouldn’t be the main motivator, couples often save hundreds on rent by sharing a place
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
While financial reasons probably should not be the sole motivating factor for a couple to move in together, it’s surprising that the idea of not having to pay rent was not an incentive for the boyfriend to want to share his girlfriend’s apartment. Even when both parties still do have to pay rent, it’s common for couples in large cities in the United States to move in with one another quickly, so that they can save on how much they give to a landlord.
The Black Tux found that, on average, couples in San Francisco save about $955 a month per person by simply choosing to live together rather than alone. In New York City, couples save about $907 per person per month, and in Los Angeles, they can save about $528 per person each month. But I’m sure if you asked the majority of these couples if they would rather simply not pay rent at all, they would jump at the opportunity. Especially considering that the average renter in the US is putting 30% of their income towards rent.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to decide to stay in the apartment she inherited? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a similar conflict between a couple, we recommend reading this piece next!
Later, the woman responded to some questions from readers and provided additional details about the situation
Readers assured the woman that she had done nothing wrong, noting that moving in together might not be the best idea after all
