Ican’t recall a time in my life when I would have been labeled as “well-behaved.”
Even as a kid, I just loved to get myself into unnecessary trouble.
Let me elaborate: From the ages of 14 to 21, I was truly every mother’s worst nightmare.
I can admit it now because I’m an adult, mother and a responsible human being.
But, even now, it’s a tough pill to swallow, especially since my mom really did teach me better. But, me listening to her? That was another story.
I skipped school, and I experimented with alcohol and psychedelic drugs.
I was an ungrateful brat to my family and those I called my friends.
I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend, unable to hold onto a relationship longer than six months.
Even though I did hold down a job, I would usually go in hungover or still completely smashed from the night before, and it affected my work.
I later got kicked out of college for not going to class, and I returned home embarrassed and even more delusional about what my life was supposed to be like.
Despite how terrible those awkward years were and what a nightmarish mess of a person I was, I can’t say I totally regret it all.
The unfortunate things I’ve done and the mistakes I’ve made have shaped me into the person I am today.
Without making all the missteps or doing all the dumb sh*t I did, I wouldn’t be me.
I’m not saying I’m the pillar of my community, but I raise my children, love my husband and can trick most of you into thinking I’m a semi-respectable person. Well, at least some of the time.
Here are 10 revelations from a former wild child:
1. There’s more to life than having a good time.
Most people probably don’t want to hear this, but it’s true. In order to make something of yourself, you can’t just party 24/7.
I learned this the hard way when I was kicked out of college after one semester, and I had to move back home.
The shame of my family and the talk of my small town was unbearable.
All the tuition money I lost and the fees I had to pay simply because I was too busy being the life of the party was not worth it in the end.
What about life after the madness? What about paying bills, finding a job and supporting yourself? Mommy and Daddy will not and cannot support you forever.
It’s probably wise to get your school sh*t straight. (This is all true unless you’re a trust fund baby and can actually afford to party for a living. In that case, can I be you?)
2. Strictly “party” friends aren’t real friends.
You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re the friends who are always free to go out and party, but they’re never free to do real-life adult things.
Those friends are for convenience only, and you will lose touch with them throughout the years.
They are there to be wing-people or to help you take home people from the bar.
They won’t be at your wedding, and they won’t be there when you have children.
Your memories of them will be strictly at the club and nowhere else.
It’s not real, and it won’t last. As soon as you stop partying, your friendship will likely end.
3. Sloppy drunk is not a cute look.
It doesn’t matter how much time you spend getting ready or how much your outfit cost because if you end up the sloppy, drunk friend, you’ve already marked yourself as the mess.
Your friends won’t want to party with you, and you’ll inhibit yourself from branching out and making new friends.
Also, no man or woman thinks a fall-down mess is a cute look.
It’s cool to go out and have a good time, but being a complete slob-ka-bob is an absolute no. Just don’t.
4. Bonging beers won’t look good on your résumé.
It may be slightly cool or even mildly impressive that you can double-bong a Natty Ice, but will that get you a job? No, it won’t.
5. Getting in trouble is very expensive.
You may think you won’t get caught that one little time you step behind the wheel when you’ve maybe had just one too many bourbons.
But, think again. A DUI will run you around $10,000 including attorney’s fees, alcohol classes and (depending on prior record) home incarceration or a program where you get drug and alcohol tested.
While I’ve never had a DUI, many of my friends have, and it nearly broke them.
One even started stripping to pay for the fees, if that tells you anything.
Thankfully, all I’ve ever come away with have just been some pretty expensive speeding tickets and a trip to driving school.