I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is.

I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy.

I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re funny.

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.

I’m afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke her up.

My mom asked me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire.

What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.

When is a pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

Have you ever been camping? It’s in tents.

I once read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.

Why should you eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.

Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It wooden go.

What did one playing card say to the other? I can’t deal with you.

Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?

What do you call a cow with bad manners? Beef jerky.

What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.

Why didn’t the elf pay his rent? He was a little short.

Why shouldn’t you eat clowns? They taste funny.

Why did the computer hate commuting to work? It had a hard drive.

When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

I only catch cold on weekdays. Probably because I have a weekend immune system.

Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.