When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why do ducks always pay with cash? Because they always have bills!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel holding his kite when he discovered electricity? Shocked!
When does a joke become a “dad” joke? When the punchline is a parent.
Why did the Daddy Rabbit go to the barber? He had a lot of little hares.
How do you make a lemon drop? Let it fall from the tree.
Why can’t you ever trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Which planet loves to sing? Nep-tune!
What’s a private investigator’s favorite shoe? Sneak-ers.
What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!
If an electric train is traveling south at 10 miles per hour and the wind is blowing North at 10 miles per hour, which way does the smoke blow? Fooled you! Electric trains don’t blow smoke.
Why are basketball courts always wet? Because the players dribble.
How do billboards talk? Sign language.
What do you call a duck that gets good grades? A wise quacker.
What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh.
What kind of keys are sweet? Cookies!
What board game does the sky love to play? Twister.
Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
What do you call a tired bull? A bulldozer.
What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese!
Why are pizza jokes the worst? They’re too cheesy.
What kind of water cannot freeze? Hot water.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up some pants.