Jokes for seniors about marriage and family

If cheesy pickup lines are right up your alley, you’re going to fall head over heels in love with these old-people jokes about marriage and family.

1. Of all your children, the only one who won’t grow up and move away is your husband.

2. I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right. I just didn’t know her first name was going to be “Always.”

3. An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. “So,” he says, “do I come here often?”

4. My doctor told me I need to sweat daily, so I told him I’d start disobeying my wife.

5. My husband cooks for me like I’m a goddess—by placing burnt offerings before me.

6. Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?
In the bookstore, under “Fiction.”

7. Bickering with your spouse is like trying to read the Terms of Use for a new service. In the end, you just give up and click “I agree.”

8. Why should you marry someone older than you?
As your looks fade, so will their eyesight.

9. After a big fight, my wife yelled at me, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” So I replied, “That may be true, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”

10. Be kind to your kids. They choose your nursing home.