Got a Letter from My Hospital Today, it Had Blood on It

Ah, the postal service. Breaking news, my dears: snail mail is still a thing! Who knew, right? And here I thought we’d all be sending our letters by carrier pigeon or teleportation by now. But enough of that nostalgia. Let’s dive headfirst into this horror story, not brought to you by Stephen King, but a real-life Reddit user.

So, there I was, casually scrolling through the subreddit r/MildlyInfuriating (because isn’t schadenfreude just the best kind of joy?) when I stumbled upon this gem: “Got a letter from my hospital today, it had blood on it.” Imagine my delight!

The Setup

Picture this: You’re sitting at home, basking in the glow of screen time, when the postal worker drops off your mail with their usual zeal (or lack thereof). You shuffle through the stack of bills, catalogs, and yet another ridiculous coupon flyer (who even uses those?), only to land on an envelope from your hospital. But wait – what’s that? Is that… blood? Reader, it was. Real, red, likely-DNA-contained, splatter of blood.

The Backstory

Our Reddit superstar—let’s call them Alex for the sake of narrative consistency—had recently made a trip to the hospital for what they hoped was a bout of hypochondria. Side note: Haven’t we all? A little WebMD, a twinge or two, and suddenly, you’re convinced you’ve got the plague. But I digress.

Anyway, Alex underwent some routine tests and was awaiting the all-clear via mail. Days went by, and finally, the much-anticipated envelope arrived. That’s when things took a turn for the should-I-be-washing-my-hands-right-now?

The Horror

Alex, good citizen that they are, didn’t just shrug it off as a Halloween prank gone wrong. No, they documented this little slice of macabre on Reddit for all of us to yuk it up. The envelope had a small but noticeable splotch of blood right on the corner, unmistakably fresh-ish, and enough to send even the bravest among us scurrying for hand sanitizer.

What’s a person to do in this Twilight Zone episode masquerading as their actual life? Naturally, Alex did what any sensible human being would: they took a picture and shared it on the internet.

Oh, but it doesn’t end there, my friends. Alex called the hospital, because let’s be real – this is not something you leave on read. The hospital’s response? A masterclass in corporate indifference. Essentially, their advice boiled down to, “Oopsie-daisy, just send it back, and we’ll resend a new one.” Comforting, right?

The Commentary

Now, let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer level of meh from the hospital’s end. You’d think a place built to handle bodily fluids would have a protocol for rogue bloodstains. But there’s something utterly delightful about their blasé attitude. “Blood, shmud,” they seem to say, swinging a metaphorical stethoscope around like a lasso.

This whole debacle raises some pertinent questions, doesn’t it?

Me, I have my theories. Maybe it was a clumsy nurse, maybe a paper cut amplified by stress and overwork, or maybe—just maybe—the ghost of unsolved medical mysteries past. But my money is on the zombie apocalypse, because, let’s be honest, 2023 has proven anything goes.

The Golden Opportunity

Here lies the perfect chance to play detective. Alex could’ve taken that blood sample down to the nearest detective agency, CSI-style, and solved the mystery once and for all. I’m envisioning a montage of Alex in a trench coat, brandishing a magnifying glass, and muttering something about “catching the perp.” Instead, they opted for the more pragmatic approach and powered up their phone’s camera.

However, there’s a silver lining. This caper gave us here on the internet one more tale of woe and intrigue that underscores the absurdity we all know and love about modern life. Plus, it gives us health enthusiasts a little something to add to our list of woes—go on, worry about random bloodstains on your mail, I dare you!

Henry’s Two Cents

Here’s my hot take: This entire debacle is a delicious example of why life is stranger, and often funnier, than fiction. You can’t script this kind of randomness, people! As for Alex, all I can say is bless them for keeping calm and carrying on (to Reddit). Sometimes, a sense of humor and a quick photo upload are the best weapons in navigating this twisted journey called life.

And so, dear readers, the next time you receive a rather unsanitary letter, take a leaf out of Alex’s book. Snap it, share it, and let the internet have its day.

In the meantime, stay entertained and sanitized!

Cheers, Henry.