Jokes come in all shapes and sizes, from the ones that require lots of setup and a healthy attention span to the quick zingers that you can shoot off without thinking.
The major plus of short jokes is that they’re easy to repeat from off the top of your head, meaning that the gags below are perfect for pulling out the next time you’re hanging around with your friends, entertaining your kid, or trying to get a date. So, keep reading for over 100 of our favorite short jokes—and no, we don’t mean jokes about people who aren’t tall!
- What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally.
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool.
- Why did the nurse need a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
- Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties? Because they don’t want their guests to drink and derive.
- Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
- What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks—I’ll never part with it.
- Rest in peace, boiling water. You will be mist.
- Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
- How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.
- What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
- What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
- Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
- What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” the doctor said. “Those are just contractions.”
- Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant.