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  SHE MADE MY BIRTHDAY ALL ABOUT HER—AGAIN

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  SHE DIDN’T LEAVE HIS SIDE—NOT ONCE

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  HE STOLE MY RECIPE, TOOK THE CREDIT, AND NOW HE’S GETTING AN INTERNSHIP I NEEDED TO SURVIVE

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  SHE SAID “NO DOGS IN MY HOUSE”—NOW HE FOLLOWS HER EVERYWHERE

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  WE GOT KICKED OUT OF A CHILI COOK-OFF FOR LAUGHING TOO HARD (AND MAYBE BECAUSE OF THE INCIDENT WITH THE LADLE)

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  HE STILL REMEMBERS HER FAVORITE FLOWER, EVEN WHEN HE FORGETS HER NAME

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  I FOUND THIS KEYCHAIN IN AN UNMARKED ENVELOPE—AND NOW I WISH I HADN’T

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  MY SON BROKE HIS LEG IN A FOOTBALL GAME—BUT THE GIFT HE GOT AFTER MADE IT ALL WORTH IT

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  MY 8-YEAR-OLD SON BROKE HIS ARM—BUT THE REASON WHY MADE ME PROUDER THAN EVER

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  I STAYED SINGLE MY WHOLE LIFE—THEN I FELL FOR A WOMAN 40 YEARS OLDER THAN ME

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  MY SON STOLE MY INHERITANCE—AND I JUST FOUND OUT WHERE IT WENT

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  MY SON WENT FISHING WITH GRANDPA—BUT WHAT HE PULLED OUT WASN’T A FISH