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  SOMETHING’S STRANGE ABOUT THE NANNY—AND NOW I’M SCARED TO LEAVE HER ALONE WITH MY SON

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  MY DAUGHTER SEEMED HAPPY IN THE AMBULANCE—BUT THEN SHE MADE THE PARAMEDIC GO PALE

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  MY SON HAS A NEWBORN AT 15—BUT THAT’S NOT THE PART I’M STRUGGLING WITH

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  MY SON WAS ALWAYS SMILING ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL—BUT THEN HIS GESTURE STOPPED ME COLD

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  I LET MY 15-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER GET A TATTOO—AND I DON’T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT

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  WE TOOK A FAMILY PHOTO AT THE BEACH—BUT SOMEONE ELSE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE WE WERE

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  THE OFFICER CAME BACK HOLDING A DUCKLING—BUT THE CALL WASN’T ABOUT A DUCK

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  MY GRANDMA LOOKS 40—BUT THAT’S NOT THE PART THAT FREAKS ME OUT

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  MY GRANDMA WENT OUTSIDE WITH A TOY AXE—AND CALLED IT “DEFENSE MODE”

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  I FOUND THESE KITTENS IN A STRANGER’S BASKET—BUT THAT’S NOT THE WEIRD PART

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  THE CHIEF CALLED ME INTO THE STATION—AND PUT A PUZZLE PIECE ON THE TABLE

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  MY SISTER-IN-LAW SMILED IN MY FACE—WHILE SECRETLY DESTROYING MY MARRIAGE