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  THE OFFICER WHO KEEPS OUR CITY IN CHECK—AND WHY NO ONE DARES TO OUTLAW

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  I FELL FOR MY EX-WIFE’S AUNT—AND I’VE NEVER FELT THIS KIND OF HAPPINESS

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  I GOT EVICTED BY MY OWN FAMILY—BUT I FOUND PEACE LIVING IN MY CAR

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  MY CAT HAS HER OWN ROOM—BECAUSE SHE’S THE REAL QUEEN OF THIS HOUSE

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  MY SON’S TEACHER CALLED HIM “UGLY”—AND SAID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

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  MY MOM USED TO HATE PETS—NOW SHE WON’T LET GO OF THIS LITTLE DOG

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  OUR SUPERMARKET CAT HAS CUSTOMERS COMING BACK JUST TO SEE HIM

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  I JUMPED IN TO SAVE SOMEONE FROM A DOG ATTACK—AND I THANK GOD I DIDN’T LOSE MY LEG

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  HE PROPOSED WITH THE UGLIEST RING I’VE EVER SEEN—AND I SAID “NO” WITHOUT THINKING

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  I FOUND A STOWAWAY KITTEN UNDER MY CAR—AND IT WAS INSTANT LOVE

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  MY KIDS ESCAPED THEIR OWN BEDS—AND I FOUND THEM SLEEPING TOGETHER LIKE THIS

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  A KITTEN SHOWED UP OUTSIDE MY DOOR—DETERMINED TO FIND NEW PARENTS TO LOVE HER