Welcome to another episode of ‘What in the Ever-Loving Heck is Wrong with the World Today?’ Today’s feature: a spine-tingling saga straight out of a Massachusetts middle school where safety and sensibility apparently rode off into the sunset together.

At Watertown Middle School in the serene suburbs of Boston, a transgender student decided to dabble in some after-school horror fiction by compiling a “hit list” of 45 fellow students. Aren’t we all just walking heart attacks waiting to happen now?

Picture this: kids are now tossing and turning each night, haunted by the terrifying notion that breakfast might just be their last meal. Why? Because a supposed “inclusive” school administration seems hell-bent on achieving ‘Woke Olympics’ gold, even if it means terrifying 13-year-olds into early onset PTSD.

Brace yourselves, folks, it gets juicier. When concerned parents tried to express their worries about the ticking time bomb masquerading as a middle schooler, they were promptly told to hush—unless they fancied a good ol’ labeling as transphobic bigots. Misery loves company, and apparently, so does woke repression.

You heard it right. This 7th grader, armed with enough fury to make the Hulk seem pacifist, ‘faced minimal consequences.’ Now they’re back in the same classrooms, memorizing the periodic table while potentially watching their “targets” like a hawk. Parents and students? Feeling abandoned, terrified, and ready to turn the lunchroom into a barricaded fortress.

So, the school’s PR wizard, Matthew McCarthy, tried to soothe everyone’s nerves, claiming that nothing has happened since January. Oh, how reassuring! But the chronic insomnia and newfound heart palpitations of the student body might beg to differ.

This drama-fest has set off a bombshell debate about the complexities of inclusivity versus safety. Critics wield the argument that when inclusivity strides past common sense, disaster isn’t far behind. You don’t say. Now, put a bow on this delightful present: the Superintendent, the illustrious Deanne Galdston, pretty much called parents’ fears ‘student shaming.’ That’s right, your child’s safety concerns? Just another case of “shaming.”

In this gripping chapter of our ongoing societal self-destruction, the question remains: How do we create schools that are havens of inclusivity without turning them into scenes from ‘Final Destination’? Seems like a chat for another day, preferably one fortified with double the caffeine and a side of sanity.

But let’s be real here. If schools want to avoid being the next horror flick location, they need to buck up. Transparent communication, concrete safety measures, and an ounce of common sense. Not asking for the moon and stars, just maybe a healthy dose of zero terror-induced hair loss for their students.

So, while the debate rages and tension bubbles like a high school science experiment gone awry, hopefully someone will find the recipe for ensuring ALL kids can actually like, you know, survive a Monday. Until then, hold your breath, folks. Who knows what thriller we’ll be strapped into next?