Have you ever done something so mundane, only to be hit with the cold, hard realization that your normal, everyday activities are a veritable hub of grossness? Hold on to your hats, folks, because today’s tale comes straight from the digital jungle we call Reddit. Yes, it’s all about counting coins—for a measly 10 minutes—and discovering just how filthy the money trail really is.

The Prelude: A Reddit Post Like No Other

So there I was, minding my own business, doomscrolling through Reddit, when a post grabbed me by my Balenciaga scarf and wouldn’t let go. Some brave soul, let’s call them Coin Crusader, decided to count their coins and made a shocking discovery that they had to share with the world: their gloves looked like a piece of modern art—only in shades of dirt and grime. My interest piqued faster than you can say “sanitize.”

Counting Coins: The Plot Thickens

Now, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty. Picture it: you pull out that jar of coins you’ve been tossing change into for the last five years. It’s practically a relic at this point. Maybe you want to cash it in for some Starbucks money or just make your bag a tad lighter. Out come the gloves—because nobody in their right mind is going barehanded into that abyss.

The first few minutes are uneventful, almost tranquil. You’re sorting, stacking, and maybe even imagining all the oat milk lattes this dusty trove will buy you. Then, the horror unfolds. Your gloves, once pristine and possibly white, are now showcasing a grim palette of blacks, browns, and who-knows-what.

Henry’s Witty Reality Check: Money’s Dirty Little Secret

Listen, darlings, coinage isn’t just currency; it’s a well-traveled international spy, picking up dirt, grime, and bacteria from places you can only dream of—or have nightmares about. Each coin is like a tiny carrier pigeon, but instead of messages, it’s carrying the epitome of ickiness.

Let’s break it down: A single coin might start its journey in a pristine mint, all shiny and new. Give it a couple of days, and it’s been through a minimum-wage cashier’s hands, a sticky soda spill, and some toddler’s mouth (kids are weird). By the time it reaches your glove-clad fingers, it’s basically a germ-ridden little disc of doom.

The Grim Statistics

For those of you with a thirst for hard truths: according to some scientific studies on currency cleanliness (yes, people actually study this), coins can harbor hundreds of different bacteria, including the ever-charming E. coli and staph. Wonderful, isn’t it?

And let’s not even start on those paper bills. They’ve been through things that would make your grandmother’s hair stand on end. (Or maybe not—our grandmas are tough cookies.) The truth is, money has seen stuff: sticky hands, bathroom stalls, the floor of public transport, and God knows what else. So why should coins be any different?

The Great Coin Clean-Up: Should You Even Bother?

Now that you’ve seriously considered burning your glove collection and maybe your coin stash, let’s talk solutions. Can you clean coins? Sure. Should you? Probably not. Most of the time, coin cleaning decreases their value for collectors. And unless you’re sitting on a pot of gold, it’s honestly more trouble than it’s worth.

The good news is most modern coin-sorting machines and banking tools are designed to handle your dirty money without anyone having to suffer from coin contamination. And if you’re the DIY type, well, hey, at least you now have another reason to buy those fancy rubber gloves in bulk.

Henry’s Final Sassy Takes: Embrace the Grime and Move On

So what’s Henry’s stylish, sassy conclusion to this filthy tale? Embrace the dirt, folks. We live in a world where we touch our phones a million times a day, and they’re arguably even nastier than a handful of change. If you’re that worried about germs, here’s a tip straight from yours truly: carry some hand sanitizer and bask in the relief that comes with cleanliness.

But let’s not forget the fun side of dirty money. It’s not just currency; it’s a storyteller, a traveler, a little piece of history in your pocket. So next time you dig into that coin jar, do it with flair, gloves on, and a heart full of adventure. And seriously, don’t forget the sanitizer.

Until next time, my germ-aware companions. Stay sassy, stay witty, and clean those hands!