Let’s dive nose-first into the deep, fabulous pool of familial expectations, shall we? Darling, you won’t believe the latest episode of ‘Fix My Family Fracas’ that’s come through Reddit! Seems like everyone’s expecting everyone else to bend over backwards just because, well, *family*. Buckle up buttercup, because here comes a juicy tale straight from the trenches of a Reddit AITA post.
Our protagonist—let’s call her Jane—has a brother whose wife is soon expecting their first little bundle of joy this summer. Now, this dear sis-in-law hails from across the ponds of culture, and bless her heart, it’s been a ride and a half dealing with being oceans away from her roots, family, and the familiar hugs that come free with family drama.
And So the Plot Thickens…
Jane’s getting bombarded with a request as outrageous as asking Mariah Carey to lower her vocal range—it’s a tall order, honey. Sis-in-law wants her parents, sister, sister’s hubby, and two kids under six to move in with Jane for an undetermined amount of time. That’s a whole circus of five extra people for you.
And the cherry on top? It’s not just a courtesy call for a quick cuppa; oh no, these guests want to camp out for a blissful (read: stressful) six months. Six. Full. Months. Complete with all the fun of homeschooling and nocturnal conference calls courtesy of Mr. Sister’s Husband. Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it?
Oh, The Woes of Unreasonable Expectations
First thing’s first: Jane has the space, but does she have the mental real estate? The poor woman works a full-time job and treasures her quiet time like it’s the last piece of chocolate in the apocalypse. And let’s talk logistics—these four lovely foreigners aren’t exactly locals fluent in English. Jane is officially looking at a silent charades episode every single day. I mean, a girl can only pantomime how she likes her coffee just so many times.
To add a zesty squeeze of lemon, Jane’s legally locked in a logistical labyrinth. Her remote-job brother-in-law’s working tourist visa might as well have been drawn up by the people at Rube Goldberg. Ever thought about the legal minefield you’d be traipsing around if you hosted not quite non-immigrant family for six months? Honey, let’s just say no one wants ICE cake at this baby shower.
Riveting Opinions & Reality Checks
Now before you all crucify Jane for being Cruella in pastel floral, let’s sprinkle this story with a dash of Reddit wisdom. Our girl Jane’s no pushover, but she’s got a heart of gold. She compromises with a drop of realism—suggesting maybe 2-3 weeks, perhaps even a month. Great compromise? Her sister-in-law gives it a big fat thumbs down. Apparently, it’s the six-month-or-bust deal. It’s like negotiating with a brick wall that’s decided it’s a diva rockstar on tour.
Jane’s presented options, dollface. Maybe a short-term rental or (*gasp*) financially pitching in from either side. But no dice there, it seems. And culturally, honey, it’s downright rude if you don’t let family crash on your couch, floor, and breathable spaces if you’ve got them. Jane’s gotten radio silence from her brother and received her sister-in-law’s silent treatment, probably more out of frustration than malice.
What Would Joan Do?
Oh boy, don’t even get me started! If I were in Jane’s fabulous shoes, there’d be a firm yet polite decline, accompanied by tickets to the nearest ‘Boundaries Are Beautiful’ seminar. Here’s a golden nugget of wisdom from yours truly:
No is a complete sentence.
Sweet Jane, you’re not a jerk—not for setting boundaries, not for valuing your sanity, and most certainly not for refusing to nursemaid a parade of people who’d turn your life into an international party cruise docked in your living room. If anything, darling, your sister-in-law needs a gentle but firm wakeup call to reality. Your house isn’t a refugee camp for exhausted parents-to-be.
To wrap this epic tale, this isn’t about being a heartless villainess. Here’s to standing your ground, protecting your peace, and realizing its pure okay to say no. Family comes first, sure. But self-care’s right there beside it, holding up a big supportive banner saying, ‘You Matter Too!’
So is Jane the AITA? In her own mental gymnastics corner? Not a chance. Keep those boundaries fierce and fabulous, girl!
Original story
Using a throwaway account. My brother and his wife are expecting their first child this summer.
My sister-in-law is from a different country and her first trimester was not easy and I know that she misses her family a lot. Her parents are planning to stay with them for a year when the baby is born (with a quick trip home in between so they don’t overstay their visa).
She was thrilled that they could do this.
She recently asked if her sister and her sister’s family (husband and two children under the age of 6) could also come out with her parents and stay with me because they won’t all fit at their house. But she wants them to stay for 6 months.
I asked if maybe they could do 2-3 weeks or even a month but she wasn’t happy about that at all because she really wants her sister to be here to help too.
AITA for thinking that this is unreasonable and feeling imposed upon? Her family would not be able to drive and I live 30 minutes away from my brother and I work so I wouldn’t be able to drive them to see her every day and I don’t think my brother will have time to pick them up every day.
Technically I have the space. But I like my quiet time and having four people that I’ve never met stay with me for six months feels overwhelming.
They don’t speak English so it would also be a little awkward in the beginning, I think. The plan is to homeschool the older child while they’re here (the younger one isn’t school age yet).
I don’t fully understand the husband’s job but apparently he’s able to do it remotely. That would mean he’s on calls and video meetings in the middle of the night though.
I understand that it’s hard to have a baby so far from your family and I want to be supportive of my sister in law. I’ve been firm in my stance that a 6 month visit is too long but she’s pretty upset with me and her and my brother haven’t been speaking to me for a couple of weeks now so I’m wondering if I’m just being cruel or selfish here.
EDIT: thank you so much everyone for your comments and for helping me to feel much better that I was not being unreasonable. I’m reading through all the comments but wanted to reply to a few ideas that many had shared.
1) My brother and SIL cannot afford a short-term rental, nor can her family. But beyond that, in her culture, it would be considered rude to put them up somewhere else if family can accommodate them.
I believe they briefly looked at AirBNBs and short-term rentals but in addition to the expense, her family’s lack of permanent status for that long of a stay might have been a concern for some (not sure of exact details or convos and maybe they just told me that to make it seem like they had no other option) but bottom line, they can’t afford it
2) Thank you to all who pointed out some of the potential legal issues with the husband working remotely here on a tourist visa, and the sticky situations that could come out of being here for so long. I had not considered that and I really appreciate the advice
3) If she were to go back to her home country with the baby instead of everyone coming here, my brother could only stay for a few weeks. And ironically, her family doesn’t have room for them to stay with them
