After you’ve had a good cry in the shower, pondered a major career change, and almost trimmed your own bangs, you might feel ready to reach out to your ex. Whether you want to reignite the flame or simply want them to stop mooching off your mom’s Hulu account, knowing how to text your ex can help you navigate the awkwardness.

According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of “Joy from Fear,” if you find yourself wondering, “Should I text my ex?” it’s important to know why. “When you are clear on your goals and needs, you will be able to communicate effectively with your ex about what you are seeking,” Dr. Manly explains. “If your ex has needs that align with yours, the outcome can be positive both in the short term and the long term.”

Are you tired of not being able to share funny memes with them and want to rebuild a friendship? Do you still sleep in their old shirt and daydream about getting married in a converted warehouse? Or maybe you’re just looking to make out? Whatever the case, being transparent about your intentions before hitting send can help you have a more productive conversation with your ex. Keep in mind that in some situations, they may not want to reply, and that’s perfectly okay.

Below, we’ve compiled 36 text messages to send your ex based on the reason you’re reaching out.

If You Want to Reconnect…

If you’re looking to reconnect with your ex in a platonic way (or want to see if they’re still into you), sending a friendly text about a shared memory or something you used to discuss is an easy way to start a conversation. Not every breakup calls for complete separation, and if that’s the case for you, reconnecting with your ex by sending a friendly text can be totally okay, according to licensed psychologist Dr. Alexandra Emery.

1. “I finally read that Joan Didion book you were always talking about. Should have known it would be amazing. Hope you’re well.”
2. “If you’d be down, I’d love to get a friendly drink soon. It would be nice to hear what you’re up to.”
3. “Hey, I’ve been looking at your garden on IG, and I’m impressed. I’d love to chat on the phone sometime if you’re down.”
4. “OK, so the most dad comment of all time, but you popped up on my LinkedIn the other day. Congrats on the promotion! It’s well deserved.”
5. “Hey! I’m in Chicago this weekend for a work thing and thought I’d see if you wanted to get coffee and catch up.”
6. “Are you going to Elliott’s birthday party next week? We should say hi!”

“Sometimes breakups occur because it was truly a ‘wrong place, wrong time’ situation, rather than a deep-seated problem in the relationship,” Dr. Emery previously told Bustle. “A text may be a good place to start because the stakes are low.” Sending a casual message, like the examples below, is a way to test the waters and gauge your ex’s interest in reconnecting with you.

If You Need to Apologize…

Breakups don’t always bring out the best in us. But if some time has passed and you’ve gained a new perspective, you may want to reach out and apologize. Keep things short and simple. There’s no need to play the blame game or engage in lengthy pleasantries – especially if your ex isn’t interested in chatting.

1. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us, and I’m sorry for how I acted. You didn’t deserve that.”
2. “Hey, I just want to say I’m sorry about everything that happened between us. I was really going through it and didn’t communicate well.”
3. “Hi, I was talking to Claire today and just remembered that summer everything went down. I’m so sorry for how I treated you, and I wish you all the best moving forward.”
4. “Hey, just wanted to say sorry. I totally blew it when we were together and it wasn’t fair to you.”
5. “I’ve been reflecting on everything that went wrong with us lately and I just wanted to apologize to you. If you ever want to talk about it or ask any questions of me, I’m open to it.”
6. “Hey, no pressure to respond to this, but I just wanted to say I’m truly sorry for the way it all went down with us.”

If you feel the need to apologize, take responsibility for your part in the breakup and give your ex the space to express themselves if they want to. “After you’ve said your piece, invite your ex to share anything they might want to get off their chest,” advises licensed clinical social worker Sarah Falk. Express your remorse, apologize, and wish them well for the future. You might even find some closure on the breakup by having an open conversation.

When You’re Trying to Hook Up…

If you’re interested in hooking up with your ex, keep things short and flirty without going overboard. Sending a steamy picture right off the bat might not be the best move. Remember, not every relationship will have a Bennifer 2.0 arc. Even if you don’t necessarily want to get back together with your ex, consider their feelings about the situation.

1. “OK, I see you finally let your hair grow out. You’re looking good.”
2. “I’ve been thinking about you lately.”
3. “I’d love to meet for drinks and see where things go.”
4. “Are you seeing anyone?”
5. “What are you up to tonight? Want to swing by my place?”
6. “Hey, it’s been a minute. Is that offer you made to hang out still available?”

As licensed therapist Heidi McBain advises, “Make sure you’ve taken some time to work on yourself and gain a better perspective on what happened and your role in it, so you don’t repeat the same patterns with this same partner.” If you and your ex are on good terms and open to the idea, then go for it!

When You’re Just Checking In…

Maybe you’re not sure what kind of relationship you want with your ex, but you genuinely miss hearing from them and want to know how they’re doing. Just remember that they may not want to reply based on how things ended or how they are currently healing from the breakup. “Reach out when you’re ready, but don’t expect a response,” advises author and certified sex educator Shan Boodram. “Everyone has their own way of healing.” When you want to check in, send a casual, low-pressure text about a recent event or shared experience.

1. “I’ve been dying to ask, how is your dog? Truly what I miss most.”
2. “Your mom still sends me recipes for sangria. Please send her my best. How is your family?”
3. “Hey, what happened with that job you applied for?”
4. “Hey, I know it’s been a minute but I was thinking about you the other day and just wanted to check in. No pressure, but I would love to talk on the phone sometime.”
5. “Just saying hi, I hope that all is going well with you.”
6. “I saw your sister had her baby! Congrats on being an aunt! How is everything these days?”

To Get Them Off Your Netflix Account (Or to Get Your Stuff Back)…

In a perfect world, you’d never have to talk to your ex again if you didn’t want to. But in the real world, you may need to retrieve your belongings. When you’re not interested in chatting but you need something from your ex, be polite but firm. Ask for what you need and let them know your plans for reclaiming your belongings.

1. “Hey, this is a little awkward, but are you still on my family’s HBO Max account? My dad’s been complaining about his shows getting messed up.”
2. “I’m going to be in your neighborhood next week for a dentist appointment, could you leave my Sally Rooney book in the mailbox?”
3. “Hi, my mom isn’t renewing the Apple TV+ subscription…just wanted to let you know to get your last Ted Lasso marathon in.”
4. “Hey, if I Venmo you can you send me the jeans I left at your place? You know how hard it is for me to find pants I like, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important lol.”
5. “Hi! It’s been a while, but do you think you could drop off my green sunglasses? I need them for a party. I can also swing by to pick them up if you leave them out front.”
6. “Hey, I hope you understand that I’m changing my Apple TV password. Just wanted to give you a heads up.”

However, if they are unresponsive, sometimes you have to accept the situation and move on. “Focus on other important relationships and engage with them,” advises Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and host of the podcast “How Can I Help?” at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital. “Focusing on yourself and finding the right relationship fit helps rebuild any weakened self-esteem you may be feeling after the breakup.” After all, passwords can be changed, and new things can be purchased.

When You Want to End Contact for Good…

If you simply want to leave the past behind and establish clear boundaries with your ex, there’s nothing wrong with that. Be honest and upfront without being cruel, advises dating and life coach Pricilla Martinez. “Strike a balance between being kind and firm, but be clear. If you leave room for interpretation, you’re not helping them get the closure they need.”

1. “I need some space and I think the best thing for me is if we don’t talk anymore.”
2. “I’m not comfortable talking to you and am asking you to respect that.”
3. “I’m not over it and I’m not ready to be friends.”
4. “I wish you the best, but I don’t think we should be in contact.”
5. “This will be the last text I send you, please respect this boundary.”
6. “Separation is what I need right now, so I’m not going to talk to you anymore. Thanks for understanding.”

Remember, the key is to communicate your needs and intentions honestly while being respectful of your ex’s boundaries. By doing so, you can navigate the post-breakup world with grace and maturity.