The “openly committed” husband and wife went through a “phase of monogamy” while they were expecting their first baby.

Not all marriages look alike, but one couple’s unique approach to monogamy is making waves on social media.

Relationship specialist Danielle — who withholds her last name in her Open Commitment coaching practice — posted a TikTok revealing how she and her husband navigated two “phases of monogamy” throughout their relationship.

“The first phase of monogamy was when we were pregnant with our first child. We were moving cities, and we were super excited to be parents. We never even planned it. We sort of woke up one day and realized, ‘Woah, we’ve been monogamous for over a year now,’” Danielle shared in her video, which reached 2.2 million viewers on TikTok.

Danielle went on to explain how her husband requested their second phase of monogamy after they had opened their marriage. At that time, she admits to “having a lot of fun and dating too many people.”

“It was starting to create distance between myself and my husband,” Danielle continued. Her husband asked her to “tone it down,” though she didn’t immediately respond, prompting him to ask for a monogamous period.

“We discussed it, and I wanted to have time to say goodbye and close off the relationships that I had started. It was what I needed and felt like it was fair to people I was seeing,” she said in her TikTok, which has garnered over 84,400 likes since August 2022.

During their second monogamous phase, Danielle said they focused on their relationship to ensure its stability. “Because for us, the only way that non-monogamy works is when our foundation is really strong,” she concluded.

Many users questioned why Danielle’s husband asked her to “tone down” her extramarital relationships since they agreed to an open relationship. Danielle admitted that dating three people simultaneously was too much, particularly with her other commitments.

“I was dating three people at once, which is way too many. That’s essentially four relationships, plus the relationships with my two kids, family, and friends,” she recalls. “It took away from my other relationships … and that was a lesson learned. It is not something I will repeat.”

The idea of non-monogamous phases may sound unfamiliar to people in traditional relationships, but Danielle grounds her perspective in more universal terms.

“I think there’s certain phases that we talk about all the time,” she explains. “You’ll hear the ‘honeymoon phase’ because someone just got together. And then there’s a ‘new parents phase’ where everyone knows that Mom and Dad are not sleeping because there’s a baby in the household.”

Danielle notes that common language reflects phases more broadly too: “We will say things like, ‘Oh, it’s just a phase.’ Like, ‘Oh, you and your husband are going through a difficult patch,’” she adds.

Danielle says her relationship “continuously goes through phases” as they navigate changing priorities.

“We’ve had phases where one of us is really stressed, one of us is confident in our job, and one of us is taking on a new career, impacting our marriage,” says the TikToker, noting that they have recently entered a phase that reframes their domestic dynamic.

“Right now, I am pursuing a career as a content creator and author, and I take over more of the household duties,” she explains. “So our relationship looks more traditional with him running his own company.”

No matter the state or phase of her marriage, Danielle says their two children, ages 7 and 10, always come first: “If my dating life is impacting the time that I spend with my kids when my kids need me, then I don’t date,” she says.

Danielle is aware of the judgment directed at her because she’s a mom. Some of her most negative comments suggest that her non-monogamous marriage will harm her home.

“The most common thing I hear is, ‘You being in an open relationship is going to mess up your kids,’ which feels unfair when you look at today’s divorce rates,” she tells PEOPLE.

Despite the criticism, Danielle isn’t worried about her romantic lifestyle affecting her parenting.

“The main way that non-monogamy impacts me as a parent is through other people’s perceptions, not my actual relationship,” she says, adding that she and her husband plan to speak honestly with their children about their relationship when it feels age-appropriate.

Overall, Danielle feels that non-monogamy makes her a “more energetic, positive parent.”

“Dating gives me energy and a lot of joy. I’m an extrovert and love meeting people. Dates are really fun,” she tells PEOPLE. “I’m so fortunate to have wonderful dates with my husband and also enjoy fun dates with others.”

The content creator says disapproving comments often accuse her of “destroying the idea of marriage” and question why she’s married. Some viewers assume her behavior is “just about sex,” but Danielle maintains the same standards in dating as she does in her marriage.

“I do get comments calling me a slut, saying I’m sex-obsessed, and that polyamory is an excuse to be slutty,” Danielle shares. “It’s interesting because I’ve had two serious relationships outside my marriage in 14 years. That’s not a lot.”

Danielle’s dating style is intentional, focusing on “chemistry, joy, and excitement.” Some relationships meet her needs that evolve during specific phases of her life.

“After my daughter was born, I didn’t feel good in my body. My body had gone through a huge surgery and C-section, and I gained a lot of weight. I was really vulnerable,” she recalls. “No matter how many times my husband told me I was beautiful, it was hard to believe. Then, hearing it from someone new made a difference.”

Non-monogamy also allows Danielle to explore interests that she doesn’t share with her husband, such as her love for the outdoors.

“I was recently dating someone who loves going on long hikes with me,” she says. “That gives me energy and joy, which I bring back home to my family.”