As a parent of three, I can tell you there’s a mix of joy and huge life changes that come with raising kids. But sometimes, the scale tips, and it’s harder for one parent, often the mom, as seen in the story of user BendyGirl85.
BendyGirl85 is a new mom who recently welcomed her first child, a daughter. While she loves her daughter deeply, she also misses her old life, one that she describes as carefree and filled with hobbies and activities she can no longer fully enjoy.
She explains that she never wanted kids but was swayed by her husband’s longtime dream of becoming a dad, a decision she now partly regrets.
The author reminisces about her pre-parenthood days filled with interesting hobbies and activities, many of which now seem impossible or not as enjoyable. She shares a particular experience of going camping, an activity she used to love but now finds challenging as she has to look after the baby most of the time.
She misses her “pre-baby body,” having gained weight and struggling to fit in exercise. With only about 20 minutes a day for workouts, she finds it hard to regain her previous fitness levels.
Despite loving her child, she grapples with the enormity of this new role, a transition she didn’t anticipate being so tough or painful. She candidly admits that she doesn’t believe she has postpartum depression but is struggling to adjust to her new life.
A psychologist, Irina Matveeva, suggests that even if this isn’t postpartum depression, seeking professional advice is wise and necessary. She emphasizes the importance of equal parenting responsibilities and strong support from the spouse and relatives, especially since the husband was the one passionate about having children.
A number of commenters on the post agree, sharing their own experiences and validating her feelings. They emphasize the importance of her husband stepping up and suggest practical solutions like considering daycare or finding a job she loves to regain a sense of self.
They urge her to remember that adjusting to this new life is a journey and it’s normal to have mixed feelings. One commenter wisely pointed out, “I miss my freedom and sense of self before my baby, but I’m learning to figure out my new identity as a mom.”
Many commentators echoed the need for equal parenting and suggested solutions to help her enjoy the experience more.
“Your feelings are valid! Perhaps going back to school or finding a job you love can help. It’s also important that your husband shares the responsibilities,” another commenter weighed in.
For anyone considering having kids, this story offers valuable insight. And for those already on this journey, it’s an invitation to share your own thoughts and advice. Parenthood is a significant change, but with support and understanding, finding a balance is possible.
