A Utah mom made headlines over her unique approach to parenting and household chores. While her system is unconventional, she explained the reason she never asks her kids to help with chores and even introduced other mothers to what she thinks is a more appropriate way to parent.
Meet Sam Kelly, a mom of three from Utah and a former therapist turned “feminist coach for mothers,” as noted on her Instagram page. She takes a different approach to parenting by encouraging her family to share the mental load. Sam challenges conventional gender roles and has changed the way she involves her kids in household chores, focusing on teaching them about “emotional labor.”
While it might sound a bit too “woke” for some, many find her reasoning quite sensible after hearing her out. Sam, who’s 38, shared her thoughts on Good Morning America, revealing that she avoids asking her kids for help with chores. Instead, she uses specific language aimed at breaking what she sees as a detrimental cycle she noticed in her own upbringing and marriage. Her three kids—Hero, 11, Goldie, 9, and Shepard, 5—are now learning a different way of contributing to family life.
When handling household tasks, Sam felt the brunt of the responsibility. She found that moms often bear the “invisible labor” of managing family chores, making lists, and keeping everyone organized. Sam, together with her husband Chas, worked to balance these responsibilities more equally. However, she realized she might be passing these same pressures onto her kids inadvertently.
Sam had an epiphany while making a chore chart for her children. She realized that by assigning chores, she was imposing the traditional expectation that managing the household is mainly the mother’s duty. To change this, she came up with the “notice and do” system, aiming to distribute domestic responsibilities more fairly among all family members.
Instead of saying “help” with housework, Sam uses terms that don’t imply one person is in charge while others simply assist. This language shift, according to Sam, emphasizes that household management is a team effort. On Instagram, she shared that asking for “help” suggests the mom owns the chores and others are merely supporting roles. By using words like “work,” such as saying “Come work with me,” she hopes to instill a sense of shared responsibility.
Moreover, Sam promotes a proactive mindset with her “notice and do” method. This encourages everyone in the household to identify tasks that need to be done and take action without waiting for an assignment. This approach aims to teach her children to take initiative and contribute to the family’s well-being.
While some celebrate Sam’s challenge to traditional roles and her emphasis on teamwork, others feel parents should naturally oversee household chores. Despite mixed opinions, many agree that involving kids in chores can empower them and teach valuable life skills. Each family, however, must determine what works best for them.
Besides changing chore-related language, Sam stresses open communication and flexibility in parenting. Although some might steer clear of “woke” ideologies, many can appreciate her way of encouraging families to function as cohesive units. This method instills the value of shared effort in children and highlights the importance of intentional communication.
Ultimately, Sam’s goal is for her children to develop life skills, be proactive, and anticipate needs, especially in partnerships. This, she believes, will not only make them better parents and partners in the future but will also equip them to be more effective in all life’s aspects. We could all benefit from more individuals who see a need and take action rather than waiting for guidance, something useful at home or in the workplace.
