I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is.
I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy.
I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re funny.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.
I’m afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke her up.
My mom asked me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
When is a pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
Have you ever been camping? It’s in tents.
I once read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
Why should you eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.
Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It wooden go.
What did one playing card say to the other? I can’t deal with you.
Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?
What do you call a cow with bad manners? Beef jerky.
What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.
Why didn’t the elf pay his rent? He was a little short.
Why shouldn’t you eat clowns? They taste funny.
Why did the computer hate commuting to work? It had a hard drive.
When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
I only catch cold on weekdays. Probably because I have a weekend immune system.
Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.