These clean jokes are so polished, you could eat off them!

From networking to babysitting to meeting your new partner’s parents for the first time, there is one fallback that works for every single situation: clean jokes. Pulling a classic corny joke or funny one-liner out of your back pocket doesn’t just make everyone laugh (or groan); it also creates connections and dispels awkwardness. There’s a time and a place for dark jokes, and we’ve always got time for a bad joke or two, but when you’re dealing with a mixed group (family wedding, anyone?), it’s best to stick to short jokes that stay on the squeaky-clean side.

Fortunately, we’ve rounded up dozens of wholesome yet hilarious ripsnorters that will delight friends, family and colleagues of every age. Keep this list of clean jokes handy for your next function, and you’ll be remembered as the funniest one there.

Funny clean jokes

1. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
2. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
3. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Rad-ish.
4. I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
5. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off.
6. Worrying works! Case in point: 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
7. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate. I told them, “Just you wait!”
8. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
9. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.
10. What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.
11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I am OK.
12. I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He told me they all look that way and I should have left it in the garden.
13. Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”
14. Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.
15. Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.
16. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.
17. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
18. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
19. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
20. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.